Hello there. Welcome to Cigarette Burns. That adorable little shitstain you see in the picture up there is one of my cats, Murray. He has many fingers and toes.
First, I should tell you a little bit about me. I am 36. Born in August (Leo), I have one (1) wife, two (2) daughters. I also live with two (2) cats, who are assholes, and one (1) dog, who is cripple and smells very bad.
Whoa! I almost forgot! One (1) fish. He’s a blue “Betta” Fish, or “Mexican Fighting Fish” or whatever. His name is Smithers. We’ve had him for about 4 years now and, despite my frequently forgetting/denying he exists, sometimes for weeks on end, he goes on living. He’s good people.
I love coffee. I love Coca-Cola. I have what are perhaps the World’s Longest Nipple Hair™. I play in a punk rock band with other aging punkers. I have a form of Papyrophobia – fear of paper. In my case wet paper, specifically.
This is the first time I attempt to write a blog, kinda. At least semi-seriously. I mean I tried it out in the old MySpace days, but I was in my early 20s and I wrote about my love of broccoli and melted cheddar cheese or something. For real. It was dumb.
Since then I have amassed, like, a shitload of XP and built myself a world that’s at once fucked-up, chaotic, blessed and beautiful. It’s a great time.
I once ate a cigarette in order to be allowed to smoke one in my friend’s car when I was 17.
So in this here space I will write about things I love, things I hate and things I don’t understand. I will complain about society’s bad habits. I will occasionally make things uncomfortable. I will often overshare.
I cannot poop without the shower on. Seriously. I have a pavlovian response each time. It’s weird.