Man Writes Blog For First Time. Introduces Self. Rambles on.


Hello there. Welcome to Cigarette Burns. That adorable little shitstain you see in the picture up there is one of my cats, Murray. He has many fingers and toes.

First, I should tell you a little bit about me. I am 36. Born in August (Leo), I have one (1) wife, two (2) daughters. I also live with two (2) cats, who are assholes, and one (1) dog, who is cripple and smells very bad.

Whoa! I almost forgot! One (1) fish. He’s a blue “Betta” Fish, or “Mexican Fighting Fish” or whatever. His name is Smithers. We’ve had him for about 4 years now and, despite my frequently forgetting/denying he exists, sometimes for weeks on end, he goes on living. He’s good people.

I love coffee. I love Coca-Cola. I have what are perhaps the World’s Longest Nipple Hair™. I play in a punk rock band with other aging punkers. I have a form of Papyrophobia – fear of paper. In my case wet paper, specifically.

This is the first time I attempt to write a blog, kinda. At least semi-seriously. I mean I tried it out in the old MySpace days, but I was in my early 20s and I wrote about my love of broccoli and melted cheddar cheese or something. For real. It was dumb.

Since then I have amassed, like, a shitload of XP and built myself a world that’s at once fucked-up, chaotic, blessed and beautiful. It’s a great time. 

I once ate a cigarette in order to be allowed to smoke one in my friend’s car when I was 17.

So in this here space I will write about things I love, things I hate and things I don’t understand. I will complain about society’s bad habits. I will occasionally make things uncomfortable. I will often overshare. 

I cannot poop without the shower on. Seriously. I have a pavlovian response each time. It’s weird.