Braincells Lost: Tales Of Teenage Drug Experimentation SO1E02

Episode Two (2): Scary Dogs, Tinfoil, Toilet Paper Tubes And Baking Soda

Every town has a Burger Street. It’s true. It’s the street where you can buy drugs! There might even be a bootlegger if you look hard enough. The rest of the townspeople view and treat the people who reside there differently. But for aimless youth in a small town, it’s the place to be.

So we reach our destination. It’s a plain looking white house, with a patio that runs around the entire perimeter. I’m told to stay by the mailbox, ’cause the guy “doesn’t know me and he might get sketched out”. Oh, OK. So next to his mailbox with a tiny girls bike is where I stood. Like a good boy.

To my surprise/relief, less than one (1) minute later a shirtless “Norman” was standing in the big picture window, waving me in. So, hunched over my little bike like a piece of useless foreskin, I waddled my way up the drive.

As I reached the stairs, I was met by the biggest, nastiest looking Rottweiler of life. The dog was foaming at the mouth and had, I swear, what seemed like 100 (one hundred) thumb-sized nipples on its abdomen. I remember they were all mangled and fucked. She had patches of fur missing on her legs and what looked like thick, green phlegm coming from both of her nostrils. Every few barks, she would quickly lick her nose to try to get rid of it, but to no avail. This was the family dog. It legit had no name.

So after being assured that “she’s friendly” and that “she just had puppies so she’s super protective“, I made my way up the stairs where I was told to go wait in the shed out back.

The shed out back. Seriously? Plus, at this point I was right cold. Ugh. So I went down the stairs in the back and walk about 20 (twenty) feet to the shed. It’s blue. It’s in bad shape.

So I sat down on the couch. It had the layout of a jail cell, and was approximately the same size. It had two (2) bunks, a space heater, a small table, a tiny couch and a unique smell. The floor was just dirt. This, dear friends, was what they call in the biz a “crack shack”.

After about ten (10) minutes later, Norman finally burst through the door. He was still inexplicably shirtless.

He had what looked like a miniature envelope pinched between his lips. In his left hand he was holding a spoon, a roll of tinfoil and an empty toilet paper tube. He had a box of baking soda in his right.

Within 30 (thirty) seconds he made a finger-sized hole in the TP tube, and then wrapped a layer of foil around the back (to close the end) and over the finger hole he made on the side. He then gently pushed in the foil on the finger hole, creating a “bowl” of sorts. He then ties an elastic band around the tube to hold it in place. He finished it off by poking a few holes in the “bowl” with a wooden match he found in the floor.

Here’s a video of a Casual Superman making a slight variation of one:

He passed me a cigarette and told me to light it, but not to ash it until he says so.

Soon, like some sort of Bizarro Uri Geller, he was bending the spoon (with his hands) at a 90° (ninety degree) angle. He held the spoon in one hand and skillfully emptied the contents of the “envelope” into the spoon with his other hand. (Surprise! It’s cocaine!)

He then added a pinch of baking soda and a few drops of water from a puddle outside the door into the spoon and mixed it up. He then heated the mixture by placing a cigarette lighter under the spoon. The water then evaporated, and the baking soda and cocaine fused together to create a substance that, to me, looked like icing sugar. Yum! I love icing sugar!

End Of Episode Two (2)

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