Holy Schick, guys. Hold on to your heavy denim overalls…do I have some news for you. Information that could change the world as we know it.
I love a good mystery. But something I love more is discovering that those little blue men, and at least one (1) woman, who until recently existed only in the realm of TV, ridiculous CGI FILMS and big rectangular books with dangerous corners, do in fact exist. That’s right, you guys – Smurfs are real.
I know, I know…I sound like a crazy person. But hear me out, guys!
I’ve been walking a lot lately. I love it. It’s been really nice lately, so I’ve been taking advantage. And snow gets all melty and shit. Along with cigarette butts, dog turds and coffee cups, other secrets can sometimes reveal themselves at this time.
Take a look at our Smurf friend’s hat up there. See that? Well, look at THIS:
You see that? If that’s not a Smurf hat, I’ll eat my shorts. Or this hat, even.
I thoroughly examined it. The smell. The texture. It feels and smells unlike anything else I’ve ever touched or smelt before. It has almost an elastic quality. The smell is…interesting.
“Oh, that’s fake!” is something only an idiot would say. And to those idiots, I ask “How do you explain THIS?”:
A tiny card. A Jack of Clubs, eh? I wonder what that signifies? Something sinister and you know it.
I know some of you guys won’t believe me until I produce an actual Smurf in the (blue) flesh, and that’s why I refuse to give up the search.
I’m on it.
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