The Worst Songs Ever Recorded: #6 “Wonderful Tonight” – Eric Clapton (1977)

Ugh. Eric Clapton is the worst, ok? I said it. I know I’m not alone, either. He is for sure one of the most overrated motherfuckers out there, ever. Ever! And this is his worst song, based on my knowledge of his popular songs. I don’t give a shit if he was in the Yardbirds. I don’t. He wrote that fucking “Cocaine” song, and it’s sequel “Tears In Heaven“. Big whoop.

But this…this is his crowning achievement.

Wonderful Tonight”, like “Layla” by “Derek And The Dominos” (It’s fucking Clapton, OK?) before it, was written for and about the famous adulteress Pattie Boyd by Clapton. Can you believe she left the Quiet Beatle for this goof?

Anyway, the song starts off with what is hands down the wimpiest guitar lead in a popular song. It’s the polar opposite of the iconic lead in “Sweet Child O’Mine“. It’s limp and boring and could have easily been written by a person who is picking up the guitar for the first time in his or her life at the tender age of 98. And this guy is continuously on the Best Guitarists Of All Time lists, and young fellas, especially crusty white “bluesmen” still in high school, worship the ground he walks on. And this is what he delivers, this musical master – at the HEIGHT of his cocaine addiction. A slow, schmaltzy number that he wrote in two (2) minutes (probably). What a fucking letdown. This shit is, for real, sub-Eagles. Anyhow…

Then Ol’ Slowhand starts singing. What’s his angle here? Is he trying to sound sexy (fail)? Is he trying to put us all to sleep(success)? Either way, it’s terrible and creepy as hell. I feel kinda bad for Pattie Boyd, if I’m honest.

After she earnestly asks him if she  “looks alright” he tells her she looks “wonderful tonight“. What a fucking gentleman. Maybe the chorus is gonna be alright? Right?

WRONG. No chorus to be found. Just terrible poetry, terribly recited over a terrible musical arrangement by a coked out cuckholding fool. From one of the world’s best known, and most “talented”, cocaine addicts.

After the first verse we’re treated to another round of that twangy, gross guitar lead. Then another shitty verse, then the guitar thing, etc…

Part of the problem, I believe (I’m just speculating here), is that everyone (the general populous) at that time was so high on cocaine themselves and saw in Clapton a kindred spirit that they just somehow thought this was just great! A great song to quote liberally from to your girlfriend. Then, after everyone cleaned up and, realizing their folly after a fuckwind of drug abuse, were too ashamed to admit that this song is garbage and/or that their judgement was severely compromised in the late ’70s by the Devil’s Dandruff, they perpetuate the myth of this being a good song. Someday they will all be dead, and this song will be accepted as what it truly is – terrible.

Anyway, fuck Eric Clapton. Fuck Pattie Boyd. This song is shit. It’s so bad it doesn’t even deserve #1 (numero uno) on this list. I gave it a respectable, but still shitty, #6 (number six). And fuck the cancer that killed George Harrison.

/end

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