Thoughts About Camo

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Ok. Can you guys please fuck off with the camo-everything. It’s way overdue. It’s hunting season year round with you people. Camo beer cozies, camo carpet, camo condoms.
Please stop. It’s terrible.

If at least it was the cool 80s style camo, with the dark green and the black and the brown and the tan and stuff. Like this:

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But you guys wear this contemporary shit:

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Moncton isn’t even close to being an urban jungle, guys. Even if you wear this in public, it doesn’t actually “camouflage” you. You know that, right? A homosexual deer could still pick you out from a crowd and then jump you at the bus stop. A black bear with a sniper rifle can still shoot you right through your heart from 500m, so as to not damage your head. He plans to mount it on his wall later. You are not any safer.

And I know I’m in the minority, too! ‘Specially round here. I’d like to take a shit on those stupid Browning deer silhouette logo things every car has, those Duck Dynasty fruitcakes, the huge compensatory trucks (curiously, often driven by tiny women), the fraudulent beards and, finally, those making the bold choice of looking like they slept at the dump last night too, but who has the time?

Anyway…Look, I get it. You guys just want to live. You want to live your lives. That’s what we all want. But you guys went too far with that camo shit. Holy fuck!

I don’t want to sound harsh here, gang (lie). I know a lot of camophiles (fans of the camo). Gun enthusiasts, hillbillies, rednecks, urban campers, survivalists, preppers, hockey arena managers, suburban doofuses, seasonal hunters, couples who dress alike, scumbags and bums and you know what? They’re all good people, as far as I know. But collectively, you need to agree to leave camo behind for a little while, OK? All of you. Or at least tone it down a lot.

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Ok?

/end

 

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