Wine: The Acceptable Alternative?


Hey dudes and dudettes.

What I’m about to tear into here is something that, to me, is one of society’s biggest double standards. We’re often quick to condemn someone who drinks beer every night. Shit, if someone were to drink 2-3 drinks of Mint Schnapps every night, we’d be considering having an intervention. Right?

But WINE? That’s OK! “I don’t see a problem with drinking a (one) glass or two (2) of wine at night to unwind” you’ll often hear. I’m 100% for personal liberty, and doing the fuck you want with your life. So if you want to drink every night, go ahead! I smoke weed like cigarettes, and drink Coca-Cola like water. But I won’t support it or pretend it’s not there.


It’s important to remember that wine is alcohol. (Duh!) I don’t know if its the religious connotation, or that we’ve come to associate wine with perceived “classiness“, what with that ridiculous language (legs?) and their bullshit “sommeliers” (French for “tight asshole”); wine seems to be often left out of the alcohol abuse conversation. Often, but not always.

I googled “alcoholic” and went to images and look at this. How far down did you have to go to finally see a picture of wine in one of those alcoholics hands? Or a box, bottle or tub? It’s like it’s not part of the problem as much as, say, Mint Schnapps.

Here’s a little tiny example. If a dude shows up at work at 9am still smelling like beer – let’s say he spilt some on his pants, he didn’t change pantaloons that morning or wtv, k? Even if at this point the dude is stone sober as fuck, got 6 (six) hours sleep – he will, with 99.44% certainty, going to be “talked to”. “Why the fuck you stink like beer? Are you drunk? This is a professional environment blah blah blah” all the while this dudes coworker, “Jeff” with the purple teeth is nodding off at his desk, the one man fiesta he throws himself nightly having only ended the second he walked into the building that morning. “Oh, that Jeff!” the stupid, entitled and under qualified supervisor would say. “He’s a single dad! Doesn’t get much sleep. lol” Very perceptive. First guy loses his job for smelling like overnight beer, Jeff remains a gainfully employed, lazy, dysfunctional alcoholic sack of shit single dad who has already used up all of his sick days.

Its cool - the kids are in bed!

Anyway, I figured I’d remind the winos, from the fancypants to the people who have a “tub” of wine at home, that wine doesn’t make them special, or exempt from addiction and the problems that come with it. Like kidney, brain and relationship failure.  A lot of people seem to have that mentality and, as a person who has grown up with all kinds of alkies, it’s dangerous.


Anyway, I’ll shut up about this now. Alcoholism is a real fucking problem. Still (no pun intended!). Especially the covert kind. Be responsible, you dumb bastards.

Pictured: Wino